March 2009

A Brilliant Idea

How has everyone been doing?  I haven’t written a blog in awhile because there is this thing called work that started interfering with my life.  With all the belt tightening that has been going on, I have had to make some changes at the office.  I have ended up working fourteen out of the last fifteen days.  You could describe me as tired or a little bit loopy or just down right out of it.  I came home from work today and fell asleep in the afternoon.  Who sleeps on Monday afternoons?  Only the exhausted.

I awoke with an idea, a wonderful awful idea.  It was a passive revenue stream.  It was flowing with money.  Hard days and long hours are over.  This was not only a wonderful awful idea, it was a million dollar idea that could revolutionize the internet.  I was amazed with myself.  Was I still dreaming?  Am I capable of such innovation?  I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and starting jotting my revolutionary idea down.  What have I been interested in lately?  I am tired of doing what I am doing.  Social networking, blogging, internet stuff.  Okay, I like Facebook and I’m a member.  My son is on Facebook, but he’s also on Myspace.  That’s it.  I’ve got it.  Spacebook.

You get it?  Not yet?  Okay, Facebook seems to be for adults.  Most of the people on Facebook seem to be 25 or older.  Myspace seems to be for teenagers mostly.  We need something for everyone else, hence, Spacebook.  Don’t even bother going to godaddy to check it out.  I’ve already bought the domain name.  I also own a couple other domain names like cougars&milf.com and onlinemexicanpharmacy.com, but let me get back to the point.

Who is Spacebook for?  Well, it’s for everyone else.  The wack jobs, trekkies, dungeons and dragons, star wars geeks, and other various weirdos, malcontents and social deviants.  We will speak the language of spam and the currency will be in viagra.  Fake rolexes will tell time and Nigerian princes will cover the landscape.  Identity theft will be commonplace and tweeters and twitterers will be incarcerated.  Trojans will still come in more than one size, but they won’t protect you from the virus.  Email accounts won’t be free and we’ll charge for usernames and passwords along with a subscription fee.  It will be the badlands of the internet where everything goes and my paypal account will overflow with money.  Google and Microsoft will be dwarfed by us.

What’s that I hear?  “Frank, wake up.  Honey, you need to wake up.”  Huh.  Where am I?  I’m on the couch.  I’ve been asleep.  I sat up and rubbed my eyes.  Wasn’t I an internet millionaire a minute ago?   I must have been dreaming.  Time for dinner and early to bed tonight because I’ve got another full day tomorrow.

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Have We Made Our Own Twisted Form of Communism?

I love the skit on The Tonight Show when Jay Leno asks people on the streets of Los Angeles, “Who is the president of the United States?’  It always amazes me that a lot of people don’t know the answer.  I thought long and hard about the meaning of “socialism” and “communism,”  before I started spouting off at the mouth.  I wasn’t sure where socialism ended and communism started.  I decided to google it.  I found this simple quote, “socialism generally refers to an economic system, while communism generally refers to both an economic and a political system.”  It’s good to know we haven’t reached communism, but how close are we to socialism?  Once again, I decided to google the definition of socialism.  This is what I found, “Socialists, however, see capitalism as a possible part of the ideal state and believe that socialism can exist in a capitalist society. In fact, one of the ideas of socialism is that everyone within the society will benefit from capitalism as much as possible as long as the capitalism is controlled somehow by a centralized planning system.”  I’m sure there are variations on these definitions, so you don’t need to give me a lesson on it.

I am a firm believer in capitalism.  The words socialist and communist make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  There’s one thing that keeps bothering me over and over and that is the financial meltdown that just happened in this country.  How did this all start?  We now know the capitalists on wall street were constantly looking for loopholes around government regulation.  We also know that the socialists in government were trying to get everyone into a house of their own.  Interest rates went lower and lower.  Loan qualifications got easier and easier.  Could you not say that it was like free money?  I took my share of the free money, but I also paid it back.

Millions of two thousand square foot houses were stamped out all over the country.  We’ve got businessman, teachers, salesman, fire fighters, engineers, accountants, electricians, landscapers, nurses, blue collar all owning houses and all living in the same neighborhoods together.  The level playing field is the nirvana of the socialist.  The construction boom the nirvana of the capitalist.  The pinnacle of our society where everyone lives in a nice house whether they earned it or not.  Where the baby boomers have taught us nothing, the greatest generation told us a lot, but we haven’t listened.  When there is no competition, there is no excellence.  No competition for loans and no competition for capital.  It’s not just the rich that were greedy.  It’s also the middle class and all the blue collar people that went out and lived beyond their means.  We’re all too fat and happy with our houses, cars, jacuzzi’s, boats, jet skis and barbecues.  There is no edge to anyone anymore.

As Margaret Thatcher once said, “The problem with socialism is that eventually,  you run out of other peoples’ money.”   As we’ve run out of money, we’ve created our twisted form of communism.

Just because we were all created equal doesn’t mean we should all end up the same.  Enough for now, I got to go turn on the jacuzzi and grille a couple of steaks.  I’m no different than the rest of you, but I do need that edge back.

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Cleaning For The Cleaning Lady

My mother grew up with seven brothers and sisters. This means my grandmother was pregnant for 63 months. Wow! I have three children myself and cannot imagine what it would be like to have four additional children in the house. I have a whole appreciation for my grandparents that you cannot achieve until you get older and wiser. I can vaguely remember being a toddler over at my grandmother’s house. She had a full time cleaning lady! Wouldn’t that be awesome if we could all have a full time cleaning lady? If your pregnant for five straight years and then breastfeeding for another five straight years, you are going to need some help. The laundry is piling up right next to me as we speak. Laundry for nine people in a house would be a full time job. I’m surprised they didn’t have a full time cook. These were the days before take out existed. Feeding nine people breakfast, lunch and dinner without a dishwasher, forget about it.
Let’s advance one generation to me. We never had a cleaning lady. Heck, I was the cleaning lady. Alright, I won’t go that far. My mom, sister and I were the cleaning ladies. I am very adept at cleaning toilets, kitchen counters, dishes, vacuuming and mopping the floor. We didn’t need a cleaning lady because it was all manageable with only four people. Different time, different way of life and a different economy.

Let’s fast forward to present day. Today is the day our cleaning ladies arrive. This is our special thing that happens ever other Thursday. You would think that with five people in 2,000 square feet that we could get this done. It just doesn’t seem to happen. After Karen and I complete our first day(the work day), our second day(parenting) starts about 3:00pm in the afternoon. It’s hard to clean a toilet when you’re in the car for three hours every afternoon. We need to eat, so I’m usually the chef. Time for homework. Who wants to scrub toilets after 8:00pm? Nobody.

The funny thing is we have to clean for the cleaning ladies. There is usually a mad dash Wednesday night or Thursday morning. Picking up scrunchies and bobby pins off the floor. Emptying all the little trash cans in all the rooms. Make sure every dish is clean. Picking up clothes off the floor. See we don’t want to pay them to wash the dishes. We need the heavy stuff done every two weeks. The scrubbing and bleaching and polishing.

Who can afford a full time cleaning lady these days? Aren’t we all leveraged to the hilt? We can afford four hours of clean time every other week. It’s a different time for the maids, also. One maid can’t afford to spend one entire day on one house. They hit our house with 3-4 ladies and bust it out in less than four hours. They do three houses a day. How’s that for an economy of scale? Time to buy that maid franchise.

I’m going to enjoy the house being clean tonight. Tomorrow when I get home from work it will look like they were never here.

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The Obstacle is Me

The obstacle is me.
Nose to the grindstone,
Only seeing the wheel.
Round and round,
The same thing.
Looking up,
Awakening or illusion?
The haze is unclear,
So many thoughts, so many possibilities.
Foolish choices, wonderful choices.
Awakening or rock bottom?
Seed hits the quarry,
But so does the earth.
A seedling of clarity,
Will it survive?
Good choices, wonderful choices.
A new grindstone, a new wheel.
Finish the job.
The obstacle is gone.
The future is me.

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Luke Skywalker, Who’s Your Yoda?

I have a good friend, Lisa, who always says we’re like brother and sister. She’s also good friends with my wife and we’ve known her for eighteen years. Lisa is always talking about her Yoda. Since I really didn’t get into Star Wars too much after the first one, I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Lisa explained the whole Jedi Knight training to me and how Yoda is the mentor/confidant/wise one. You know, the little funny looking guy with the pointy ears. She was single and lived by herself for a long time so I thought maybe she had a stuffed animal or an invisible friend. The good news is that she’s not crazy and actually has a real life Yoda. Her Yoda is a good friend that she can turn to whenever she needs some advice or wisdom bestowed upon her. I keep asking her how her Yogi is doing. It’s not a yogi, it’s Yoda. It’s all very confusing because her Yoda also turns out to be a yogi. Now, that we have that all sorted out, let’s get to the point.
This Yoda topic comes up from time to time over the years. This past year it seems to keep popping up over and over again. Laying in bed one night, I asked my wife, “Who’s your Yoda?” I was surprised when she said it was me. I felt honored to be some one’s Yoda. She continued to tell me how I tell her things that keep her grounded and help to keep her life and what she’s doing on a daily basis in perspective.

This got me thinking. Who’s my Yoda? It used to be my dad, but he’s not around anymore. My mom? Kinda sorta, somethings you just can’t tell your mom about. Yesterday, I figured it out. My Yoda isn’t just one person. I can’t believe how lucky I am. I happen to have about fifteen different Yodas. They’re not Star Wars collectibles and they’re not invisible either. I happen to be a member of Vistage International. Vistage is an organization that provides peer groups for ceo’s, business owners and key executives. Vistage members are split up into groups of 12 to 18 members. We meet once a month from 8am to 5pm. No cell phones allowed. We discuss our businesses, lives, careers and life’s journey with other members. It’s an amazing experience and one I look forward to every month.

Yesterday, I met with my Vistage group. We usually have a talented speaker in the mornings and in the afternoons we do issue processing. It was my turn to bring a “wheelspin” issue. This is where I present something that’s going on in my life or my business that I’m mentally wrestling with and don’t quite know what to do. After I present my issue, I get to sit back and listen to all my Yoda’s. It’s both enlightening and uncomfortable at the same time. Some Yoda’s will tell you what’s wrong with your thinking and what you’re doing. Some Yoda’s will confirm and solidify your thinking. Some Yoda’s will tell you things about yourself and what you’re doing that you never saw or thought of your own. I’m lucky to have so many Yoda’s in my life.

So, Luke Skywalker, who’s your Yoda?

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Then and Now

A typical statistic that you always hear recited is fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. I remember growing up in the 70’s and 80’s a lot of my friends’ parents were divorced. On my neighborhood block in elementary school, all of my friends had divorced parents. Even looking at my own family history, about fifty percent of my aunts and uncles are divorced and even my in-laws our divorced. How did we get to such a state?

I used to not understand how so many people could end up divorced. Karen and I often talked about this subject and about how we could keep our marriage strong. Life was easy. We were college educated, had great jobs, were making good money, and living in a one bedroom condo. We had lots of disposable income. After going to college full time and working part time for five years straight with no money, life seemed very good and it was.

What was a typical day like? Go to the office. Work out at the gym on lunch break. Work the afternoon. Come home and take a nap! Dress and go to dinner, a movie or even a night club. I’m not talking Friday or Saturday night. This could be any night of the week. Weekends were a whole other story. Road trips to Vegas, Mexico or Santa Barbara. Scuba diving and spear fishing. You name it, we did it.

After a couple of years of this, you end up on a Saturday morning and hear this, “Honey, I don’t feel so well. I’m nauseous.” No problem, we’ll just relax around the condo and rent a couple of movies today. After she throws up twice and tells you the tuna fish sandwich you made for lunch smells like dog crap, you’re driving to the drugstore for a pregnancy test. Life has changed forever.

Things are a little different these days. You’re lucky to get to the gym three times a week. Work sucks. I never get to nap. Going out to dinner is Souplantation. Going to the movies is too expensive and the only place I go on a weeknight is in a carpool and it’s someplace I really don’t want to go to anyways. I have to plan a weekend get away three months in advance and check the school, football, dance and soccer schedules before I book a room somewhere. The only scuba diving I do is at the bottom of the swimming pool with a stainless steel brush scrubbing algae off the plaster. My only excitement is watching Saturday Night Live on Sunday morning. You heard me right. Nothing like a few laughs at 6:30 am Sunday with a cup of coffee before we head to church.

For a lot of us, these changes take place incrementally over a twenty year period. Some of us handle it well and some of us don’t. For Karen and I, it’s about making each other laugh. We find that being able to laugh at ourselves keeps us from not getting too pampered or too entitled or too lazy or too cynical. For some reason I can’t help but think our generation has done a lot better job staying married than a lot of the baby boomers. I hardly know anyone who is divorced.

Really, you’re still that same person you were twenty years ago. I’m still that same guy living in that one bedroom condo, I’m just older and have a lot more stuff.

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Sibling Dynamics

You know, I never really planned on having three children. I don’t know if it has something to do with the birds and the bees or there are greater forces at work. Sometimes I think we just do the opposite of our parents because we’ve been there, done that and are looking for something new. I know in my wife’s case that she was an only child and that she felt lonely at times and always wanted siblings. I was not an only child, but my sister did pass away when I was sixteen. My mom always told me to have three kids, so that if one died, the other two would have each other. A little morbid, but a reality when there is a death in the family. The one thing I do know is that since Karen and I did not grow up in big families, every day is an adventure for us having three kids. We never know what to expect.

We’ll start with number one son. I think this goes without saying that you’re always hardest on your oldest. You’re a young whipper snapper when you have your first baby, so the first born gets the brunt of the parenting energy. Since they are always first at everything, they are also your first at parenting anything whether its toilet training, reading, sports, puberty, driving or dating. A lot of times we tend to over react or our expectations are too high. Sometimes we don’t show our love enough. We’re very proud of him. He’s athletic, a good student, spiritual and kindhearted.

The middle child. I definitely think there is something to this middle child syndrome. The middle one always thinks they are getting gipped. They don’t get to do the things the oldest gets to and they think the youngest is always catching a break on easy street. They are not the oldest so they don’t quite get the brunt of the parenting and they are no longer the baby of the family so all that attention goes to someone else. My Jennifer is no exception to this. However, the one benefit is that you get to fly under the radar quite often. Many times when the older one or younger one is getting in trouble for something, they often skate by unseen. No matter how she may feel at times, she is never less loved or cared about than the other two. Often times people are drawn to her instead of the other two. She’s sweet and caring like her mom. She’s got determination and discipline the other two don’t have.

The baby. There’s something about the baby of the family that everyone can enjoy. Mom and dad realize this is the last time they are going to experience life through the eyes of a child, the first day of kindergarten or riding a bicycle for the first time. The older siblings also seem to enjoy watching the baby go through life. There are many times at the dinner table or driving around in the car that we all have a good laugh over something Jacqueline has said or done. She might grow up to be a comic or she’s destined for the loony bin. The parenting is also different. The older siblings’ claim that no parenting is going on at all, but that’s not true. We’re just wiser and older. We pick our battles. Instead of pottie training in a day, it actually took three months. We’re a little worn out from the older two, so we’re just not in so much of a hurry with the youngest. She’s the littlest and the most responsible. I never thought those two would go together, but you learn a lot watching the trials and tribulation of an older brother and sister.

The older two are close in age. They’ve coexisted well over the years until recently. One is fifteen and the other thirteen. Need I say more? The age difference right now is like a century, but I know they will regain their closeness, probably when Jennifer’s friends are looking good to Stewart:) The oldest and the youngest are getting along well these days. They both have good senses of humor and tend to make each other laugh. The youngest two seem to have a love/hate relationship. I don’t know if it’s a sister/sister thing or just their ages. One minute they’ll be doing each other’s toe nails and being all sisterly and the next screaming bloody murder like there’s an intruder in the house.

Chad, thanks for the idea.

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Travel Sports Are a Waste of Time

I can smell it in the air. After playing baseball for ten years from caps through varsity baseball, watching and coaching my son play baseball from t-ball through majors, I instinctively know it’s the beginning of baseball season because of the smell of the cut grass. There’s something to the smell of cut grass after winter and the warming of the air that wants me to go get my glove out of the garage. Opening day is probably around the corner for many of you. My days of being around the field are over, but I do get to enjoy the stories of other dads whose boys are playing little league.

Kids these days just don’t understand the changing of the seasons. I’m not talking about spring, summer, fall and winter. I’m talking about sport seasons like baseball season or football season or basketball season. These terms don’t exist in our post modern world because the season lasts all year. There is never a break. There is never any down time. There is no time to try something different. There is only the pressure to perform.

How did we get to this point? I really don’t know because I don’t remember any of this stuff existing even twenty five years ago. The only explanation can be to get the competitive edge on your opponent. If we practice during the off season, then our players will be in top form when the season starts. For baseball players this has turned into playing on a “travel team” which means that you’re playing year round. Often times games are scheduled on Sundays, so as not to interfere with football, soccer or basketball. However, coaches and leagues and schools have gotten bolder. Now there is spring season, summer league, fall ball and winter whatever. The kids are told if they don’t play year round, then they don’t have a chance to be good enough to make the high school team in that sport. This just doesn’t go for baseball. It’s par for the course in soccer, basketball and girls’ softball among other sports.

If your kids are of age and playing in baseball or soccer, then you’ve probably been approached and have felt pressure to get your kid into one of these programs. These programs are not cheap either. You have to pay for coaching, field rentals, umpire fees and tournament fees. Then they like to schedule games at 7:00am on Saturday and Sunday mornings fifty miles from your community. I’m hear to tell you that you don’t have to do any of this despite the pressure you are feeling. Very few kids go through all of these programs and become dominant players in high school and college.

There is one flaw in everyone’s thinking. Kids are people too. They have thoughts, feelings, wants and desires just like the rest of us. This means that after playing soccer or baseball or football for five or six years they want to try something different. Another good thing going for the kids is that they start puberty. Hormones go rushing through their bodies and it’s like a disco ball went off in their head. Sure teenagers are the bane to parents, but thank God they have a mind of their own and all don’t want to be the next Barry Bonds. It makes the world so much more interesting. Once the kids get to high school a whole new world opens to them. There are many more opportunities than were available to them as children. Water polo, cross country, golf, tennis, track, swim, cheer, drill team, band ect. If they have a passion for it, they will excel at it. Remember, when the kids are ten years old, you can’t predict how big or strong or fast they’re going to be when they are sixteen or seventeen years old.

Remember, this is just my personal opinion. I know a lot of people who are involved in travel sports that would be surprised by my sentiments, but I’ve lived and learned and hopefully someone with a 10 year old kid out there can save themselves a thousand bucks and just let their kid be a kid. Let’s get back into our own communities and support the kids and families we have right in our own back yard and stop driving 75 miles to somewhere else. Develop what you have and good things will follow.

When you do something week after week, year after year it’s not called sport. It’s called work. All work and no play make Johnny a dull boy.

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