May 2009

Shark Infested Waters

My son is fifteen and my daughter is thirteen and my little one is eight.  Doing the math in my head, I will be parenting teenagers for fourteen consecutive years.  I’m not even a third of the way through this thing?  I’ve made it this far, but there have definitely been some things take me by surprise.  Let me share some of the things I’ve learned on the way.

At some point, you will become invisible to your teens.  When my son was thirteen, we took him to see the band Switchfoot on the beach in Encinitas with a couple of his friends.  It was a great southern California day.  I remember walking through the hundreds of teenagers and realizing that I was invisible to them.  I didn’t matter.  It was a funny feeling to become immaterial.  I realize that it was easy to be invisible to a throng of youthful spectators, but somehow I was determined not to be invisible to my own child.  How do you accomplish this?  You need to do things they like to do.  I take my son surfing with his friends.  I get some exercise and get to interact with him and his friends.  After awhile, the kids open up and you get to know them.

You will also be embarrassing to them.  You can’t let this bother you.  My daughter is especially prone to being embarrassed by me.  I don’t clam up and get quiet and disappear.  I get more embarrassing.  That’s right, ramp up the goofiness and the corny jokes.  My favorite is to roll down the windows and drive through the parking lot with the music blaring.  They’ll get over it.

They are going to have friends that you dislike.  When I look back at my teenage years, some of my friends were total A-holes.  It’s best not to try to push them away from their friends because they are going to rebel against it.  You’ve got to pick your battles.  I think it’s best to point out the inappropriate or immature behavior in a calm matter usually back at home.

My kids aren’t saints and neither are yours.  They will act and say inappropriate things like inviting four people over to spend the night without telling you.  Sometimes it’s hard to keep your cool, but you should strive for it.  I lose my temper now and again.  When they are younger it’s all about wiping butt and noses.  It’s tiring, but it doesn’t take a lot of mental acuity on your part.  The hard thing about teens is that after a long day at the office or on the freeway your parenting is all mental.  It’s not easy because teenagers like to back talk, roll their eyes and sigh a lot.  You’re talking about responsibility, making good choices, good study habits, proper phone etiquette, etc.  Sometimes these things don’t even manifest themselves until nine or ten o’clock at night because they don’t go to bed at 7:30pm anymore.  Stick to your guns, keep your cool, and dish out consequences, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.

I wonder what I’ll think about these observations in fourteen years.

Parenting teens can be like swimming through shark infested waters, but remember hardly anybody every dies from a shark attack.

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Bunco Nights

What is bunco?  I’m not really sure.  Is it important enough to be capitalized?  I guess not.  The only thing I do know is that bunco has been coming around the second Thursday of every month for the past ten years.  You see it all started when we moved to the suburbs….

 Bunco is basically a dice game that requires no skill.  You start out trying to roll for ones and are given a time limit.  At the end of the time limit, which is the banging of some Chinese gong,  the two women with the most ones stay at the table and the two other losers have to move to a different table.(Sounds like a strip joint I’ve been to.)  Now, you’re onto rolling twos.  You go all the way through all the numbers and somehow count points.  People also roll wipeouts and bunco’s, whatever those are.

 Bunco is really an excuse to socialize.  It’s a great way for the powers that be in the neighborhood get together for a few laughs about their husbands, children, work or whatever.  It’s all good spirited with good snacks and lots of wineJ  My wife really enjoys bunco night and catching up with all the ladies.

 It’s usually only once a year that bunco affects me and that’s when it’s at our house.  The cleaning lady is scheduled for today.  The kids need there rooms all cleaned up.  There’s lots of good food in the house that I don’t get to eat.  It’s usually so loud during bunco that the kids and I leave the house for an outing.  Two years ago, we went fishing and the girls weren’t into it.  I spend the entire time either pulling the hook out of the rocks or putting a new hook on the line. 

 Last year, I took the kids bowling with another bunco dad.  Jacqueline could barely pick up the bowling ball.  I’ve never seen a bowling ball roll so slowly in my life.  Just to be funny, I ran down the lane and attempted to kick the ball like it was a soccer ball.  I didn’t realize how slippery those lanes are and ended up flat on my back in a split second.  Stewart and Jennifer said I laid there in the middle of the lane for like thirty seconds.  I must have been unconscious.  I had a huge lump on my head.  Stewart asked if he could by a double cheeseburger and I said yes.  Kind of weird, since we had just eaten dinner thirty minutes ago.

 I need to find something safe to do tonight.  Maybe the new Star Trek movie?

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Is Dance a Sport?

The world of dance is something I was introduced to ten years ago when my wife signed my daughter Jennifer up for dance.  We signed her up at a local dance troupe at the age of three.  The world of dance was like landing on the moon to me.  It was an alien world.  I am the football/baseball guy that dances with his wife once a month on a Friday night.  There’s not a lot of rhythm or hip movement much beyond the robot or the sprinkler.  I found it comical to watch the little three year olds fumble around in their tights and tutu’s.  The whole affair is really cute, but do we need to spend fifty bucks a month on it?  As the years go by, the practices, rehearsals and monthly payments stack up, a transformation takes place that is a joy to behold.  These gals can actually dance.  These gals are physically fit, disciplined, serious and work hard at what they do.  It is an eye opener to learn about all of the work that is involved in putting a single dance together.

First, you need to decide what kind of dance you’re going to perform.  It could be tap (my favorite), ballet, lyrical, hip hop, Irish, clogging or whatever other genres might be available to you.  Out of the millions and millions of songs to choose from, you need to pick some music and it can’t be anything you’ve done in the last couple of years.  Choreography is the next step.  How many dancers are we going to have?  How should we dance this thing?  What steps should we use?  How long should it be?   The practice is the impressive part.  For all of the creativity and self expression that you see at the recital, months of practice goes into that three minutes on stage.  These gals practice week after week doing the same steps to the same music over and over again.  Each week they add a couple of new steps until the dance is perfected.  The girls also get to do a lot of stretching, yoga, and core work to get themselves physically fit.

We’re not finished yet.  You can’t go on stage without a costume.  The theme, style, colors and all that other shiny stuff needs to be selected and purchased.  What about all of the glitter, lashes, mascara and whatever else you ladies put on your face.  Now, it’s time for rehearsal.  Two weeks before the big recital there is usually a rush to the finish line with extra practices and rehearsals.  A dance recital is no small affair.  Most of the ones I have attended, usually have forty to fifty dances, and this is put on by a dance studio that only has one room to teach all the girls from preschool to high school.

I’m looking forward to the big recital coming in July.  It’s great to be a proud dad and sit in the auditorium to watch your beautiful daughters have so much fun.  This year Jennifer will be in nine dances and Jacqueline is in two dances, so about every fourth I get to see one of my girls.   

Is dance a sport?  No, it’s so much more than that thanks to Ellen and her staff at Shadowridge Dance in Vista, CA.

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