Pick Your Wife Up All Over Again:)

The funny thing about blogging is you meet some interesting people via email, social networking, text messages and so forth. The other day I got an email from a fellow that has a comical website called http://www.funny-pick-up-lines.com/. He said that he’d been reading my blog, and asked if there was anyway I’d would be interested in writing a blog about this subject, and maybe mention his site. At first glance, I thought there is nothing I can do with this. I have been married for eighteen years. I never had any game when it came to meeting strange women anyway. What could I write about? The wheels in the brain started rolling slowly and then faster and faster and faster. So here we are talking about picking up women, a noble topic.

I know a couple of buddies who are masters at this kind of thing. They never have a problem hitting on the ladies. Let me rephrase. “They used to be masters at this kind of thing.” I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. There’s also a whole bunch of us who feel uncomfortable with the entire thing. A lot of you guys are socially awkward with the opposite sex and it’s amazing you even married. So, I guess this blogs for you. This blog is also for all the guys like me who married relatively young by today’s standards and look to spice things up every now and then to keep it fresh. This blog is also for the guys that worked and partied until they were 39 and finally married. They now have cranked out 3 kids in four years and are exhausted at 42 years of age. They’re looking for that love spark through all of the diapers and bottles.

What the hell am I talking about? First of all, let’s go over what not to do. You’re down at the little league field on a nice sunny Saturday, eating a hot dog and taking in your kid’s game. Don’t point the team mom out to your wife and say she’s got a pair of nice softballs. Don’t even joke about it. Poor form. Have you not learned anything in the past twenty years? Keeping your mouth shut and wearing mirrored sunglasses doesn’t work either(I’ve tried that one.)

I’m talking about fostering good relations between the sexes, good relations between husband and wife. I’m talking about getting you to where you want to go on a Saturday night. I’m not talking about memorizing some cheezy line off a website or reading some book on how to pick up women. I’m talking a more cultured approach. You swallow a bite of your hot dog, cock your head, lift up your sunglasses and say to your wife, “You look the same as on the day we first met!” Bingo. She’ll love it. Even if she’s onto you and thinks you’re full of sh$%&t, she’ll appreciate the effort. What a great example for your kids!

Another tough one is the when you’re getting ready to go out on a weekend night. You ever get the “How do I look in this?” or “Do I look fat in this?” This is very dangerous territory for you. If you want a good night, tread carefully. “You look good in anything, honey,” doesn’t work. It backfires. Also, do not say, “wear whatever you want.” Another backfire. What you do is suggest something you think she looks hot in. “Remember that lacy black thing you wore to the gourmet dinner party last month. You looked really good in that.” Bingo. You told her what you like and what she looks good in. If she decides not to wear that, you’re out of it. It’s up to her to figure something out. If you have a daughter, even better. Let your daughter give your wife the fashion advice. My thirteen year old Jennifer has a good eye for clothes and is brutally honest with Karen. She says things to her mom that I could never get away with.

Life is busy. My son is on the swim team. He has practice six days this week. My older daughter has dance three times this week and a competition on Saturday and Sunday. My little one had a report due yesterday and has dance on Saturday. You see where I’m going. When are you going to squeeze some romance in? There’s not a whole lot of opportunity. You don’t even have time for “date night.” Don’t try to get frisky between car pools. It ain’t gonna happen. You gotta be patient. Work your magic. Tell her over the morning scrambled eggs what you’re going to do her when the kids go to bed in sixteen hours. At 2:00pm, when she driving from the dance studio to the soccer field, call her and tell her you had a dream about her, but you’ll have to tell her about it later:) Woo her all over again. It works. Its fun. It helps get through all the rat race of modern life.

When your married, the pick up line doesn’t go away. It just transforms into something different. Use it to your advantage.

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