Sibling Dynamics

You know, I never really planned on having three children. I don’t know if it has something to do with the birds and the bees or there are greater forces at work. Sometimes I think we just do the opposite of our parents because we’ve been there, done that and are looking for something new. I know in my wife’s case that she was an only child and that she felt lonely at times and always wanted siblings. I was not an only child, but my sister did pass away when I was sixteen. My mom always told me to have three kids, so that if one died, the other two would have each other. A little morbid, but a reality when there is a death in the family. The one thing I do know is that since Karen and I did not grow up in big families, every day is an adventure for us having three kids. We never know what to expect.

We’ll start with number one son. I think this goes without saying that you’re always hardest on your oldest. You’re a young whipper snapper when you have your first baby, so the first born gets the brunt of the parenting energy. Since they are always first at everything, they are also your first at parenting anything whether its toilet training, reading, sports, puberty, driving or dating. A lot of times we tend to over react or our expectations are too high. Sometimes we don’t show our love enough. We’re very proud of him. He’s athletic, a good student, spiritual and kindhearted.

The middle child. I definitely think there is something to this middle child syndrome. The middle one always thinks they are getting gipped. They don’t get to do the things the oldest gets to and they think the youngest is always catching a break on easy street. They are not the oldest so they don’t quite get the brunt of the parenting and they are no longer the baby of the family so all that attention goes to someone else. My Jennifer is no exception to this. However, the one benefit is that you get to fly under the radar quite often. Many times when the older one or younger one is getting in trouble for something, they often skate by unseen. No matter how she may feel at times, she is never less loved or cared about than the other two. Often times people are drawn to her instead of the other two. She’s sweet and caring like her mom. She’s got determination and discipline the other two don’t have.

The baby. There’s something about the baby of the family that everyone can enjoy. Mom and dad realize this is the last time they are going to experience life through the eyes of a child, the first day of kindergarten or riding a bicycle for the first time. The older siblings also seem to enjoy watching the baby go through life. There are many times at the dinner table or driving around in the car that we all have a good laugh over something Jacqueline has said or done. She might grow up to be a comic or she’s destined for the loony bin. The parenting is also different. The older siblings’ claim that no parenting is going on at all, but that’s not true. We’re just wiser and older. We pick our battles. Instead of pottie training in a day, it actually took three months. We’re a little worn out from the older two, so we’re just not in so much of a hurry with the youngest. She’s the littlest and the most responsible. I never thought those two would go together, but you learn a lot watching the trials and tribulation of an older brother and sister.

The older two are close in age. They’ve coexisted well over the years until recently. One is fifteen and the other thirteen. Need I say more? The age difference right now is like a century, but I know they will regain their closeness, probably when Jennifer’s friends are looking good to Stewart:) The oldest and the youngest are getting along well these days. They both have good senses of humor and tend to make each other laugh. The youngest two seem to have a love/hate relationship. I don’t know if it’s a sister/sister thing or just their ages. One minute they’ll be doing each other’s toe nails and being all sisterly and the next screaming bloody murder like there’s an intruder in the house.

Chad, thanks for the idea.

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