Switchfoot

Shark Infested Waters

My son is fifteen and my daughter is thirteen and my little one is eight.  Doing the math in my head, I will be parenting teenagers for fourteen consecutive years.  I’m not even a third of the way through this thing?  I’ve made it this far, but there have definitely been some things take me by surprise.  Let me share some of the things I’ve learned on the way.

At some point, you will become invisible to your teens.  When my son was thirteen, we took him to see the band Switchfoot on the beach in Encinitas with a couple of his friends.  It was a great southern California day.  I remember walking through the hundreds of teenagers and realizing that I was invisible to them.  I didn’t matter.  It was a funny feeling to become immaterial.  I realize that it was easy to be invisible to a throng of youthful spectators, but somehow I was determined not to be invisible to my own child.  How do you accomplish this?  You need to do things they like to do.  I take my son surfing with his friends.  I get some exercise and get to interact with him and his friends.  After awhile, the kids open up and you get to know them.

You will also be embarrassing to them.  You can’t let this bother you.  My daughter is especially prone to being embarrassed by me.  I don’t clam up and get quiet and disappear.  I get more embarrassing.  That’s right, ramp up the goofiness and the corny jokes.  My favorite is to roll down the windows and drive through the parking lot with the music blaring.  They’ll get over it.

They are going to have friends that you dislike.  When I look back at my teenage years, some of my friends were total A-holes.  It’s best not to try to push them away from their friends because they are going to rebel against it.  You’ve got to pick your battles.  I think it’s best to point out the inappropriate or immature behavior in a calm matter usually back at home.

My kids aren’t saints and neither are yours.  They will act and say inappropriate things like inviting four people over to spend the night without telling you.  Sometimes it’s hard to keep your cool, but you should strive for it.  I lose my temper now and again.  When they are younger it’s all about wiping butt and noses.  It’s tiring, but it doesn’t take a lot of mental acuity on your part.  The hard thing about teens is that after a long day at the office or on the freeway your parenting is all mental.  It’s not easy because teenagers like to back talk, roll their eyes and sigh a lot.  You’re talking about responsibility, making good choices, good study habits, proper phone etiquette, etc.  Sometimes these things don’t even manifest themselves until nine or ten o’clock at night because they don’t go to bed at 7:30pm anymore.  Stick to your guns, keep your cool, and dish out consequences, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.

I wonder what I’ll think about these observations in fourteen years.

Parenting teens can be like swimming through shark infested waters, but remember hardly anybody every dies from a shark attack.

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