teenagers

I’M NOT READY FOR THIS!

Do you remember when you first got married?  Or should I say do you remember the first time you cohabitated with the opposite sex?  It’s one of those things you thought you were ready for, but in reality could never be ready for.  The way he brushes his teeth bugs me.  Why does she have so much trouble cooking a chicken?  Why does he have to fart in the bed?  The list goes on.

How about when your first child is born?  You’ve watched your mom and dad.  You’ve had brothers and sisters.   You’re mentally prepared and ready for your first child.  It’s another thing you just can’t be ready for no matter how much you think you’re ready.  I always remember the first night at home with Stewart.  He was up all night wailing away because he had gas.  I remember him laying between Karen and I at 3:30am and  we were both looking at eachother like we didn’t know what to do for him.

Last night was supposed to be a typical Friday night around here.  There’s dance class and then there’s dinner.  Stewart asked to have a friend over to spend the night and if I could take them surfing early in the morning.  It’s been a long week, so I make a cocktail and sit down to relax, when Karen informs me that three teenage girls are coming over to “hang out.”  I didn’t take it seriously because one thing I’ve learned with young teenagers is that most of their plans seem to fall apart at the last minute because they never inform their parents until the last minute.

Sure enough, three teenage girls are sitting in the backyard around the firepit thirty minutes later.  I’ve known this was coming for a long time now, but I’m just not ready for this!  I can’t lay around in my underwear anymore.  Karen and I want this to be a positive experience for the kids and for us.  After we got over our shock, we went out and introduced ourselves and offered them lemonade and to turn some music on.

After a couple of hours, the boys come in and tell us they are going to walk the girls home.  Before too long, I’ve watched a little television in bed and now am soundly asleep.  It’s ten minutes to midnight and Karen wakes me up saying the boys aren’t home.  Here we go.  It turns out all the teens got a little sidetracked and decided to go toilet paper a friend’s house(who Karen and I happen to be friends with the parents).  The teens broke the two golden rules of toilet papering.  Never toilet paper someone’s house while they’re home and never toilet paper someone’s house at 10pm on a Friday night.  They got caught and had to clean the whole mess up which is the excuse for getting home so late.

I’m not ready for this, but somehow it will all work out.

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teenagers

Shark Infested Waters

My son is fifteen and my daughter is thirteen and my little one is eight.  Doing the math in my head, I will be parenting teenagers for fourteen consecutive years.  I’m not even a third of the way through this thing?  I’ve made it this far, but there have definitely been some things take me by surprise.  Let me share some of the things I’ve learned on the way.

At some point, you will become invisible to your teens.  When my son was thirteen, we took him to see the band Switchfoot on the beach in Encinitas with a couple of his friends.  It was a great southern California day.  I remember walking through the hundreds of teenagers and realizing that I was invisible to them.  I didn’t matter.  It was a funny feeling to become immaterial.  I realize that it was easy to be invisible to a throng of youthful spectators, but somehow I was determined not to be invisible to my own child.  How do you accomplish this?  You need to do things they like to do.  I take my son surfing with his friends.  I get some exercise and get to interact with him and his friends.  After awhile, the kids open up and you get to know them.

You will also be embarrassing to them.  You can’t let this bother you.  My daughter is especially prone to being embarrassed by me.  I don’t clam up and get quiet and disappear.  I get more embarrassing.  That’s right, ramp up the goofiness and the corny jokes.  My favorite is to roll down the windows and drive through the parking lot with the music blaring.  They’ll get over it.

They are going to have friends that you dislike.  When I look back at my teenage years, some of my friends were total A-holes.  It’s best not to try to push them away from their friends because they are going to rebel against it.  You’ve got to pick your battles.  I think it’s best to point out the inappropriate or immature behavior in a calm matter usually back at home.

My kids aren’t saints and neither are yours.  They will act and say inappropriate things like inviting four people over to spend the night without telling you.  Sometimes it’s hard to keep your cool, but you should strive for it.  I lose my temper now and again.  When they are younger it’s all about wiping butt and noses.  It’s tiring, but it doesn’t take a lot of mental acuity on your part.  The hard thing about teens is that after a long day at the office or on the freeway your parenting is all mental.  It’s not easy because teenagers like to back talk, roll their eyes and sigh a lot.  You’re talking about responsibility, making good choices, good study habits, proper phone etiquette, etc.  Sometimes these things don’t even manifest themselves until nine or ten o’clock at night because they don’t go to bed at 7:30pm anymore.  Stick to your guns, keep your cool, and dish out consequences, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.

I wonder what I’ll think about these observations in fourteen years.

Parenting teens can be like swimming through shark infested waters, but remember hardly anybody every dies from a shark attack.

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