daughter

Bang Your Head

Went to a show last Saturday night.  The band was doing its thing.  The mosh pit started and then the crowd parted and there was Kiki Dee.   Weezer

I did go to a show last Saturday night.  I took four teenagers and a nine year old to the Weezer concert at the Del Mar Race Track.  I think the evening left as much an impression on me as it did the kids.  It all started when we arrived after race five and I was delighted to find out all the kids got in free.  Money for the ponies!  We didn’t win anything on that account, but oh well.

After the ninth race, we headed on over to the venue which was in the infield.  If you haven’t been to the track, the infield is the center of the racetrack.  We set up our blankets and lawn chairs and cooler.  My sixteen year old son and his buddy wanted to get as close as possible, so they meandered their way up with my friend’s 11 year old son and friend.  My fourteen year old daughter and her friend weaved their way up front also.  I figured they’re fourteen and I need to let them roam around a little.  Jacqueline and I hung out in the back.

The whole concert was enjoyable.  Jacqueline sat on my shoulders most of the time and sang out loud to the songs she knew.  I told my wife later on that she was a babe magnet.  All the women wanted to come up and meet her and give her a high five because she is so cute.

When the teens returned I was regaled by their stories of being up front and close to the band.  My son, his buddy and the 11 year olds entered the mosh pit and got punched in the face, kneed in the head and tossed all over.  They helped crowd surf a guy into the hands of security.  They watched a guy throw a turkey leg at Weezer and he dodged and then picked it up and took a bite out of it.  The two teen girls had popcorn dumped on them.  They were offered a joint repetitively and declined.  Thank the Lord.  They watched two chicks get into a cat fight and got to bop the giant beach balls that were bouncing around the crowd a couple of times.  Quite an earful for a dad standing just a couple hundred feet away but separated by a throng of thousands.

If that wasn’t enough, getting out of that place was skechy.  The only way out is an unlit underground tunnel about twenty feet wide for 10,000 people.  I told the kids to just relax for awhile and wait for the crowd to die down.  The crowd never seemed to die down.  I asked a security guard about another exit and he said they had just opened a gate where we could walk across the racetrack.  We headed that way but there was no open gate and hundreds of people just started jumping the fence and so did we.  I lifted Jacqueline over and then the cooler.  Jennifer hopped over and then came security yelling  at us to back away from the fence.  I wasn’t about to be separated from my daughters so I jumped the fence anyway and the rest of the kids followed.  We ran across the turf and we ran across the track.  It was during this that I noticed the rail the horses follow around the track was already toppled over in many sections and the bushes destroyed.  I yelled to the kids, “Run fast because the cops are going to be coming!”  The guy next to me said that was the funniest bit of parenting he had ever witnessed.  As soon as we got into the parking lot the squad cars were pulling in.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun with my kids and I don’t think they’ll ever forget the night we went to see Weezer.

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It Actually Works!

I liken parenting to running a marathon.  There is  nothing short, fast speedy, quick about being a mom or a dad.  Parenting is a long journey.  In a marathon, you may feel great at mile three, crappy at mile nine and great again at mile thirteen.  In a marathon, you may feel dehydrated, tired, pull a muscle and maybe collapse.

As a parent, all the business distracts you from the passage of time.  You live in a world of carpools, homework, science projects, essays, church activities, sports, piano lessons, tap dancing or whatever it maybe.  Time takes on the dimensions of do this and don’t do that.  Did you say please?  Did you say thank you?  Look the person in eye and say hello.  Sit up straight.  Eat your vegetables.  Stop crying.  No biting.  Time is moving at a much faster rate than you realize when you’re parenting.  All the business of parenting makes the years go by fast and pretty soon you look in the mirror and say what the hell happened to me?  You just hope and pray that everything you have tried to teach them will sink in and they will grow up to be good people.

Every Sunday morning, Karen and I go swim for an hour and a half.  We then race home, change clothes, eat something real quick and then race to church with the kids.  On Mother’s Day, before Karen and I left for the pool, I told the kids if they didn’t have anything for their mother, they had a good hour or so to make a card, eat some cereal and be ready for church.  We had a dinner party the night before and still had the banquet tables out and the kitchen was full  of dishes.

Lo and behold, when we got home, there was a present and cards on the table.  The banquet tables were packed  up and put away.  Decorations were put up on the walls.  The dishes were all cleaned.  Our bed was made and my son had bacon, eggs and toast all ready for everyone.  All three of them worked together in harmony to honor their mom who does so much for them.  We were surprised and tickled pink.  This was the best mother’s day they could have given their mom.  I am so impressed that I don’t expect anything for father’s day.

Feeling pretty good around mile fifteen right about now.

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My Oldest Daughter

The nature versus nurture argument is a great topic for conversation especially when it comes to family members.  It’s relatively easy to understand why your hair is black and your eyes are blue.  Developments in personality and mannerisms are a different story.  Am I that way because of the way I was brought up?

Karen and I have always agreed that our oldest and youngest seem to have my personality and our middle one Jennifer, the oldest daughter, has her personality.  I’m more of the goofball and liking to joke around.  My wife is more of the serious and determined nature.  Due to her shyness and guardedness, she comes off as aloof at times.  This is also how I would describe my daughter.  It’s hard to get them to laugh.  They can be a tough crowd, but when they do laugh, you know you were truly funny and it’s the most wonderful sound to my ears.

It hasn’t been that I’m disconnected from my oldest daughter.  At times, I haven’t felt as connected to her as the other kids.  Her interests and mine are at other ends of the spectrum, similar to her mom and I.  For husband and wife it is opposites attract.  For father and daughter, it can be challenging.  Jennifer is very feminine.  There is not an ounce of tom boy in her.  I really can’t have a conversation on scrapbooking, shopping or fashion and she can’t watch a minute of football or listen to a minute of Dane Cook.

However, I am pleased to say that right now I feel more connected to her than ever.  She recently turned fourteen years old and seemed to transform overnight.  That’s the way it seemed to me, but she’s probably just been changing incrementally and I’ve just noticed.  Maybe it’s the other way around and I’m the one that’s changing?  I don’t think so.  There’s a refreshing spunkiness about her right now.  She has a lot to say about a lot of things.  She’s funny and witty and has a lot of good comebacks.  I have really enjoyed our exchanges.  I enjoy watching her grow up.  I’m lucky to have her.

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A Real Whodunit

We had a scary occurrence in our neighborhood last weekend.  After midnight early Saturday morning, a house less than a block from us burned to the ground.  I knew something was up when red and blue and white lights kept flashing through our bedroom window like disco strobe lights.  Peeking through the window only, I witnessed about five squad cars, two fire trucks and an ambulance, but did not see a single flame.  Odd.  I went back to sleep thinking a party was broken up or maybe someone got into a fight?

I woke up late the next morning and checked my blackberry.  I had a message telling me that a house had burned down in our neighborhood.  Huh?   Walking out of my bedroom, I was greeted by my nine year old daughter Jacqueline.  I told her that I had a job for her to do and her brow furrowed.  I rephrased and told her I wanted her to an investigation.  I explained to her about all the police cars and fire trucks and that a house had burned down.  I told her to go check it out and report back to me.  Her face lit up and she ran down to the garage, got on  her bicycle and headed out.

An hour later, at the breakfast table, I asked Jacqueline what she had found out.  She told us that she was going to conduct an investigation and find out who started the fire.  The house that burned was a foreclosure that had been empty for several months.  The fire dept. had found a gas can in the middle of the living room.  Arson.  I explained to the kids that this was a felony and whoever started the fire would end up going to jail if caught.  My older daughter produced a book of matches she found on the street with a family name monogrammed on the cover.  The girls immediately said this was suspicious and that someone from this family must have started the fire.  Karen and I quickly turned into defense attorney mode and explained that you can’t make accusations like that.  You don’t have any proof.  I suggested that one of the moms in the neighborhood probably started the fire and the girls cried foul.  I explained to them that I was trying to make a point, but I’m not sure they got it.  Two days earlier, in the driveway across the street from us, a handful of middle schoolers started a fire with a bunch of twigs and leaves.  I had to go out and yell at them to put the fire out.  I explained to the girls that this was also suspicious but I don’t think any of them had anything to do with house fire.

We now had quite a large suspect list.  A certain family, all the moms in the neighborhood, a handful of middle shool children that lived in the neighborhood, the bank, the former owner, teenagers(they’re blamed for everything), and suspects to be named later.  Jacqueline was truly determined to get to the bottom of this.  She’s so cute!  Her and her friend explored around the house and had many findings and many suspicious things that they witnessed.  They were even bold enough to go into the backyard and get a real close look at the damage.

Several days have passed and I asked her yesterday about the progress of her investigation.  She said that she had concluded her investigation and knows who started the fire.  However, she said that she was going to keep it to herself.  Good girl.  You don’t have the proof, so keep it to yourself.

It’s a real whodunit!

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Talk To Your Daughters

My sister died when I was a teenager.  She had an inoperable brain tumor.  We watched for two years as the cancer slowly took control of her body, day by day, as her physical and mental capabilities incrementally diminished, until the cancer eventually took her life.  I don’t know what is worse, a slow death when you know its coming or the unexpected sudden heinous death that Chelsea King just suffered thirty minutes from my house at Lake Hodges.  I guess both routes to death’s door are equally perturbing in their own ways.  I can’t get out of my mind the fear the young woman experienced in her last minutes.  I also can’t get out of my mind the tremendous guilt and sadness her parents are going to experience for the rest of their lives.  They are going to go through that afternoon everyday for the rest of their lives.  They are going to question every place they went and why.  We should have done this.  Why didn’t we do that?  I pray for them that they can come through this someday.  Nobody or family deserves an end like this.

I know that my two daughters have been preoccupied with the news of Chelsea King’s death.  It’s time to have that conversation that we’ve had before, but need to reinforce from time to time.  Be Safe.  We have lots of open fields around our house.  It’s a great area to go biking, jogging and letting the dogs run free.  It is also an area my daughters are forbidden to go without me.  I have been out there on my own at times and felt uncomfortable.  I have run into many a jogger or dog walker out in the fields enjoying the fresh air and countryside.  I have also been tracked by coyote.  I have run into illegal aliens.  I have run into strange men.  I have also run into the lone woman jogging from time to time.  You can sense their discomfort when they usually don’t acknowledge you and get by you as fast as they can.  They shouldn’t be out there alone.  You should always be with a buddy.  A buddy can always run for help.  A buddy may notice something you don’t.  The old “two heads are better than one” works.  It will keep you safe and it will be a deterrent.  Just like lions and wolves, human predators go after those who have been separated from the herd.

Have you ever watched Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline?  The scary thing is how many shapes and sizes the predators come in.  Sure some of them are creepy looking and you wouldn’t get within thirty feet of them, but too many of them are normal looking and mild mannered.  They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.  The one noticeable thing with most of these dirtbags is their complete lack of any sense of right or wrong.  They seem to think their evil compulsions are normal.  What’s a young woman to do?  Trust your senses.  Your senses are real and they work.  Be wary of strangers.  Am I telling you ladies anything you didn’t already know?  Women have survived for centuries on their instincts and senses.  Our daughters need to do the same.

Chelsea King has suffered and gone on to the other side.  Pray for her family and friends.  They are the ones that need it now.

 

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Fundraising From Hell

I want you to think back to when you were a kid.  Do you remember “No Soliciting” signs on the front doors of businesses and houses?  It was a different time before email and websites and eight hundred television stations.  There were actually door to door salesman that would walk around trying to sell you stuff because it was one of the ways available to get their product in front of you.  It actually was so prevalent that people would get pissed from having their front door bell rang all the time, they put these signs up giving you fair warning not to knock on their door.  I can still remember my father slamming the door in the face of some guy from Greenpeace way back when.

When we signed our son up for little league, you had to assist the league in fundraising.  This was done by having each family sell a box of about twenty candy bars.  You either take the time to sell the candy bars or you pay an additional forty dollars cash up front for the registration fee if you want your kid to play baseball.  We take the chocolate bars and walk around the neighborhood once and sell maybe one or two candy bars.  What are we gonna do with the rest of them?  You give it three or four weeks and they magically disappear into my mouth, my wife’s mouth and my kids’ mouths.  Now, we’ve eaten all the candy and have to pay for it.  Good grief! 

The door to door salesman still exists but in a different form and for a different purpose.  They are all cute little boys and girls walking around the neighborhoods in some kind  of uniform or another with freckles and ballcaps or ribbons in their hair.  The typical for sale items are magazines, wrapping paper, popcorn, candy and cookies.  It’s the perfect scam getting the children to do the dirty work for all of these organizations that supposedly need money and it’s high time it stopped.  It’s the same old sob story with the teacher’s, the schools, the pta, the girl scouts, the cub scouts and so on.  If we don’t fundraise, then programs and activities are going to be cut.  I’ve been hearing this same old tune for a long time and it never seems to change and the programs and activities always seem to grow and never diminish.

The ultimate question is where does all the money go?  Do you remember the director of the Red Cross here in San Diego whose salary was $400,000.00 per year?  You ever notice there is never an accounting made available of what the funds are for?  What’s the cost of the actual goods being sold?  Whose really benefiting from the proceeds?  How much of the proceeds actually ends up at the local level?  When did this become the children’s responsibility to do this?  How much free labor did these organizations just receive from us and our kids? 

I know a lot of you think I sound like a curmudgeon.  What put me over the top?  The schools sure do seem to send a lot of papers home with the children.  Usually, my wife reads all of these papers and I never looked at them until recently.  My eight year old daughter brings me a piece of paper saying I have to fill it out because she has to return it in the morning.  It’s an order form to buy books.  The schools’ and the teachers’ are now peddling books to the children through the classroom and I have to fill out a form saying yes or no.  Why can’t they read the books at the school?  Isn’t the library good enough?  Shouldn’t our taxes cover this?  Please don’t tell me some kid isn’t going to learn how to read if I don’t help out.

Do people question things anymore?  Are we all so busy in our own lives that we don’t notice the slow transformations that have taken place incrementally over time?  Are we all ever going to stand up and say no to some of this stuff or are we too afraid of conforming and keeping our mouths shut?  I sure have a lot more questions than answers.

I won’t slam the door in your face, but the answer will be a polite, “No.”

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