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Puritanical Homecoming and Other Musings

Breakfast on Sunday morning was interesting conversation.  It was the morning after the homecoming dance and we were asking the kids how the evening went.  It really wasn’t what I expected.  We were regaled with stories of breathalyzers, security guards and kids being kicked out for inappropriate dancing.  The morality police were out in force.  I was actually shocked to hear all this.  What happened to the days of parents and teachers chaperoning?  I guess it’s not in the union contract.  As for volunteering, I’m a bit surprised no parents were there because you’re a second class citizen in this culture if you don’t volunteer for everything.  What we’ve evolved to is hiring security guards to breathalyze and terrorize the kids at a social function. 

I had confirmation from three different teenagers that there were approximately 20 security guards onsite.  Was this a Charger/Raider game?  Is the TSA on campus?  At least the teens have a healthy dose of teenage rebellion in them.  I was told many of them pretended they were drunk just to mess with the security guards and got pulled over to a secondary inspection where they had to recite the alphabet.  They danced inappropriately just to get tossed out for ten minutes to sneak back in.  I thought Footloose was just a movie.  Was Kevin Bacon at Rancho?  I want an autograph.

This has spurred other thoughts I’ve had on homecoming, but just hadn’t simmered to the surface yet.  For all our trying to stamp out class warfare and racism, it sure is evident innocently and innocuously at the homecoming football game half time.  There is the homecoming court which suggests royalty, which is seniors only, no underclassmen allowed.  All the court is white except for one black which is probably true of those demographics, but what of the demographic of the school being 50 percent latino?  You have the pageantry team rolling out the red carpet and bowing to the court as they walk down.  I could really care one way or the other.  I just find it interesting that no matter how far we go into trying to control things, some things just are uncontrollable like stamping out class warfare and racism and we all know that by just watching the news anymore.

Our hypocrisy blows me away.

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It Never Fails

No matter how organized we try to be, no matter how far in advance we try to look at the calendar and no matter what our past experiences are, we always seem to get taken by surprise.  It begs the question, are we stupid or is this just the way things are or do we just get told these things in passing at 10:30pm at night or did the teacher not post it or did the coach not know about it or does anyone even give a crap?

For instance, a young lady asked our son to a dance earlier this year.  What we would call a Sadie Hawkins dance, they call MORP(prom spelled backwards).  Well, the day of the dance a water polo tournament is scheduled.  A water polo tournament goes on all day long and is exhausting for those who do not know.  Well, let’s just say it provided a lot of stress to our son who ended up having to race home from La Jolla, jump in the shower, shove some food down his throat and meet his date at the dance.  Is this good stress or bad stress?  I guess that’s just the way life is, but it happens so often.

Prom is this Saturday night and he has had this planned and arranged now for a month.  We didn’t even know juniors could attend since at our high school only seniors were allowed to attend.  In total, we will probably be spending somewhere between two and three hundred dollars on prom.  A group of them are supposed to meet for dinner and photos at 5:30pm and then take a party bus to the venue.  Well, it turns out he made CIF swim finals that are the same day and start at 3:00pm in the afternoon.  This was a surprise to him and us because his times haven’t been good enough for consideration and  yet he has been honored with the invitation.  He would have to have the race of his life to win this thing.  What to do? 

Same goes for my daughter.  Her varsity dance team is doing a two night performance this Friday and Saturday night.  It’s a big deal.  They have been practicing long and hard all semester for this show and these young ladies are talented dancers.  You would enjoy the show.  Well, her private dance group booked a competition in Palm Springs on Saturday and Sunday.  She’s doing full rehearsals at the school and going to the studio at 9:00pm to practice for the weekend competition.  This stuff just gets out of hand.  She will be a zombie when she gets home on Sunday evening.

Can we foresee this stuff.  Well, the Mrs. and I try to really stay up on things on the calendar.  With the two school websites, twelve teacher websites, all the aquatics emails, the changes in all the schedules that pop up and the teens not delivering the information in a timely manner, I guess this is just the way it is for now.  Not to mention, the SAT prep classes, the SAT test, the ACT test and the driving to colleges and looking for a summer job and all the homework and AP tests.  I went to a great college and don’t remember anything in high school being this crazy busy.

At this age we and the teachers put all of the communication through the kids, so that they grow up to take care of themselves, but things fall through the cracks and there are the unexpected things. 

Thank goodness Stewart drives himself around and Jennifer will be driving herself in a few months.  Maybe we will have all this down by the time Jacqueline’s a senior:)

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Dating Part Deux

“Dad, I read your blog.” says Jennifer.

“Cool, you can’t date until your sixteen.” advises dad.

“What about your blog and when I’m ready for boys and dating?”  she asks.

“You are never going to be ready!” laughs mom.

This brings up the whole other half of the equation.  What about your daughter’s dating?  I think it’s fair to say that it’s a subject many dad’s jest about, like the shotgun in the lap, but in reality don’t want to talk about it.  My sister passed away at twelve years old, so I did not get to witness any future teenage years involving my parents and my sister.  You could say that I am completely clueless on how to deal with my daughter and future boyfriends that will come into the picture, so I am thankful that my oldest is a son and that I have been able to watch how his female friends’ parents handle things thus far.

The number one rule seems to be have the boys come to your house.  We haven’t seen much of my son over the last year on Friday and Saturday night because there is always something going on at some young lady’s house.  The daughter stays home and invites over a handful of people for playing on the Wii, scrabble, movies, ect.  The crowd is always co-ed and the parents are always home.  Some smart people sure live around here.

Not to be biased, but my daughter is blonde, blue-eyed and 5′9″ and getting taller by the minute.  I know the boys are going to be coming, but we still have time.  She is still taller than most boys her age and that can be intimidating to the young men.  She still seems interested in just hanging out with her girlfriends. 

Got to go polish my shotgun.  See ya!

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Dating in The 21st Century

When you have teenagers, you eventually,  at some point have to deal with the interactions of male and female.  Long gone are the days of skateboarding for four straight hours or choreographing dances for hours with your friend in front of the bedroom mirror.  The girls become boy crazy and the boys are well, you know.  The wife and I told our oldest that he couldn’t date or have a girlfriend until sixteen years of age.  Why this date?  We have no idea.  It just sounded like a good milestone if you know what I mean.  Well, he wasn’t satisfied with that and went out and got himself a girlfriend at fifteen.  It immediately brought me back to my high school days and unpleasant interactions with my parents in regards to dating and girlfriends.  My gut reaction told me that just because we’re not ready doesn’t mean he’s not ready and we need to go on his time table and not ours.  I am happy with that decision thus far and I think it was right on.

That girlfriend came and went.  A year has passed and now we have a new young lady on the horizon.  However, things are a bit different this time because they’re driving!  I remember the days of driving around with my girlfriend.  Is this not a right of passage in America?  Cruising the streets on Saturday night with your hottie snuggled up against you.  Well, not anymore.  This wonderful thing called the government has intruded into our lives once again.  Please spare yourself from sending me emails on teen driving safety.  You can’t have a passenger in the car until your seventeen.  I personally think this stinks for the kids and I know there are a lot of people who disagree with me.  This sure doesn’t deter the kids.  They don’t know any better.  It is actually very cute to watch my son drive off and his girlfriend follow right behind in her car.  A lot of gas is being burned, but who cares about air quality. 

The driving laws have actually changed things more than you think.  We are delaying responsibility, accountability, and discipline another year.  It’s what I call the pampering of America.  It has also caused a lot of temptation and peer pressure onto the teen driver to take on passengers.  It can put families that were on good terms with eachother into a difficult spot based on your personal feelings on the whether the law is right or not.  “Why can’t my daughter just ride with your daughter to soccer practice?”  It’s against the law that’s why.  I see lots of teens that have no interest in getting their driver’s license.  I have even seen parents discourage their teens from driving.  I don’t have any data but I would put money on the government influencing people’s thoughts over the years and subtly changing the laws slow enough that no one notices because we all only have our teens for a handful of years anyways and we’re off to other things by the time these events are upon us.

The most bizarre invention I’ve heard of is the “group date.”  Where you never have a boyfriend or girlfriend or date anyone and a group of people just hang out.  It’s great to hang out and you can always find someone to hang out with, but eventually there needs to be one on one interactions between the sexes.  They need to learn how to cope and deal with the opposite sex in a one on one setting where their beliefs and upbringing can be tested, where temptation is resisted or given into, where that fine line between fun and flirtatious and inappropriate is found and mommy and daddy or Uncle Sam can’t be in the back seat of the car saying don’t do that.  Can pop culture be imitating society with the Lady Gaga generation, androgynous metrosexuals?  I hope not, all in the spirit of teaching these youngsters to be ladies and gentlemen.

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Ships Passing in the Night

This is my son’s junior year in high school and he has participated in athletics the entire time he has been at Rancho Buena Vista High School.  I have watched him play football, swim for the swim team and now be on the water polo team for the first time.  I can tell as an outsider looking in, the swim/water polo program and the football program are going completely opposite directions.

His freshman year, I encouraged him to play football for a couple of different reasons.  Number one being that everyone is so hard core anymore you need to get in on the ground floor because if you try out your sophomore or junior year they won’t know or care who you are unless you’re a dominating athlete.  Number two reason being this is the only time in your life you can play organized tackle football for free and it’s a lot of fun.  He was small for his age and hadn’t had a growth spurt yet, but earned himself a starting wide receiver spot on the team.  The team was lackluster in performance.  The coaching is poor, the scheme is terrible and the kids collectively didn’t have any team speed.  Move onto sophomore year and it’s more of the same.  I think the jv team only won a single game all season.  I knew there was something wrong with the football program when my son broke his leg at the beginning of the season and not a single coach or representative from the football program called or emailed to see how he was doing.  I am happy to say that he is not playing football this year.

It looked like it was going to be more of the same with the water polo program this year and I was disappointed for Stewart.  The varsity coach didn’t show up to practice occasionally this summer and missed a couple of the matches.  It left me to think what the hell is wrong with athletics at  RBV?  Lo and behold, the varsity water polo coach was either fired or resigned and immediately replaced.  What a breath of fresh air!  The new coach came in with qualifications and set the tone immediatley.  You can already see that the other coaches, all the players and the parents are buying into this new guy!  Everyone is positive, the kids are practicing hard and the coach has some serious expectations of these teens.  I like it.  I’m pumped and looking forward to going to the matches and learning about a new sport.

We had a bbq in our backyard over the holiday weekend and someone mentioned that the RBV varsity football team lost 52-0 on Friday night.  Inexcusable.  I really feel for all those kids, several of whom I have known since they were little boys,  who have spent four years of their life to be coached to such a poor level.  These kids lift weights all winter, spend their entire summers at the football field and this is the end result.  Don’t blame it on the kids.  RBV is the most populous school in San Diego county and there are athletes to be had for this football team.  My daughter dances for Maroon Magic and will be dancing at half-time at the home games but you’re not going to get any money out of me to watch bad football.  I don’t watch it on Saturday or Sunday and I’m not going to watch bad football on Friday nights either.  I will save my cash and show up at halftime for free to watch my daughter and head on back home.

I will tell you what I am going to do.  I am spending twenty bucks or so in gas money to drive to La Jolla HS on Friday and Saturday to enjoy the great energy and positiveness and work ethic from these water polo players and coaches.

Someone at RBV was man enough to make the change in the water polo program, now they got to man up and make a change in the football program.  If it’s “all about the children,” then by God get some new coaches in there for these young men.

Out.

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Bang Your Head

Went to a show last Saturday night.  The band was doing its thing.  The mosh pit started and then the crowd parted and there was Kiki Dee.   Weezer

I did go to a show last Saturday night.  I took four teenagers and a nine year old to the Weezer concert at the Del Mar Race Track.  I think the evening left as much an impression on me as it did the kids.  It all started when we arrived after race five and I was delighted to find out all the kids got in free.  Money for the ponies!  We didn’t win anything on that account, but oh well.

After the ninth race, we headed on over to the venue which was in the infield.  If you haven’t been to the track, the infield is the center of the racetrack.  We set up our blankets and lawn chairs and cooler.  My sixteen year old son and his buddy wanted to get as close as possible, so they meandered their way up with my friend’s 11 year old son and friend.  My fourteen year old daughter and her friend weaved their way up front also.  I figured they’re fourteen and I need to let them roam around a little.  Jacqueline and I hung out in the back.

The whole concert was enjoyable.  Jacqueline sat on my shoulders most of the time and sang out loud to the songs she knew.  I told my wife later on that she was a babe magnet.  All the women wanted to come up and meet her and give her a high five because she is so cute.

When the teens returned I was regaled by their stories of being up front and close to the band.  My son, his buddy and the 11 year olds entered the mosh pit and got punched in the face, kneed in the head and tossed all over.  They helped crowd surf a guy into the hands of security.  They watched a guy throw a turkey leg at Weezer and he dodged and then picked it up and took a bite out of it.  The two teen girls had popcorn dumped on them.  They were offered a joint repetitively and declined.  Thank the Lord.  They watched two chicks get into a cat fight and got to bop the giant beach balls that were bouncing around the crowd a couple of times.  Quite an earful for a dad standing just a couple hundred feet away but separated by a throng of thousands.

If that wasn’t enough, getting out of that place was skechy.  The only way out is an unlit underground tunnel about twenty feet wide for 10,000 people.  I told the kids to just relax for awhile and wait for the crowd to die down.  The crowd never seemed to die down.  I asked a security guard about another exit and he said they had just opened a gate where we could walk across the racetrack.  We headed that way but there was no open gate and hundreds of people just started jumping the fence and so did we.  I lifted Jacqueline over and then the cooler.  Jennifer hopped over and then came security yelling  at us to back away from the fence.  I wasn’t about to be separated from my daughters so I jumped the fence anyway and the rest of the kids followed.  We ran across the turf and we ran across the track.  It was during this that I noticed the rail the horses follow around the track was already toppled over in many sections and the bushes destroyed.  I yelled to the kids, “Run fast because the cops are going to be coming!”  The guy next to me said that was the funniest bit of parenting he had ever witnessed.  As soon as we got into the parking lot the squad cars were pulling in.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun with my kids and I don’t think they’ll ever forget the night we went to see Weezer.

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It Actually Works!

I liken parenting to running a marathon.  There is  nothing short, fast speedy, quick about being a mom or a dad.  Parenting is a long journey.  In a marathon, you may feel great at mile three, crappy at mile nine and great again at mile thirteen.  In a marathon, you may feel dehydrated, tired, pull a muscle and maybe collapse.

As a parent, all the business distracts you from the passage of time.  You live in a world of carpools, homework, science projects, essays, church activities, sports, piano lessons, tap dancing or whatever it maybe.  Time takes on the dimensions of do this and don’t do that.  Did you say please?  Did you say thank you?  Look the person in eye and say hello.  Sit up straight.  Eat your vegetables.  Stop crying.  No biting.  Time is moving at a much faster rate than you realize when you’re parenting.  All the business of parenting makes the years go by fast and pretty soon you look in the mirror and say what the hell happened to me?  You just hope and pray that everything you have tried to teach them will sink in and they will grow up to be good people.

Every Sunday morning, Karen and I go swim for an hour and a half.  We then race home, change clothes, eat something real quick and then race to church with the kids.  On Mother’s Day, before Karen and I left for the pool, I told the kids if they didn’t have anything for their mother, they had a good hour or so to make a card, eat some cereal and be ready for church.  We had a dinner party the night before and still had the banquet tables out and the kitchen was full  of dishes.

Lo and behold, when we got home, there was a present and cards on the table.  The banquet tables were packed  up and put away.  Decorations were put up on the walls.  The dishes were all cleaned.  Our bed was made and my son had bacon, eggs and toast all ready for everyone.  All three of them worked together in harmony to honor their mom who does so much for them.  We were surprised and tickled pink.  This was the best mother’s day they could have given their mom.  I am so impressed that I don’t expect anything for father’s day.

Feeling pretty good around mile fifteen right about now.

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My Oldest Daughter

The nature versus nurture argument is a great topic for conversation especially when it comes to family members.  It’s relatively easy to understand why your hair is black and your eyes are blue.  Developments in personality and mannerisms are a different story.  Am I that way because of the way I was brought up?

Karen and I have always agreed that our oldest and youngest seem to have my personality and our middle one Jennifer, the oldest daughter, has her personality.  I’m more of the goofball and liking to joke around.  My wife is more of the serious and determined nature.  Due to her shyness and guardedness, she comes off as aloof at times.  This is also how I would describe my daughter.  It’s hard to get them to laugh.  They can be a tough crowd, but when they do laugh, you know you were truly funny and it’s the most wonderful sound to my ears.

It hasn’t been that I’m disconnected from my oldest daughter.  At times, I haven’t felt as connected to her as the other kids.  Her interests and mine are at other ends of the spectrum, similar to her mom and I.  For husband and wife it is opposites attract.  For father and daughter, it can be challenging.  Jennifer is very feminine.  There is not an ounce of tom boy in her.  I really can’t have a conversation on scrapbooking, shopping or fashion and she can’t watch a minute of football or listen to a minute of Dane Cook.

However, I am pleased to say that right now I feel more connected to her than ever.  She recently turned fourteen years old and seemed to transform overnight.  That’s the way it seemed to me, but she’s probably just been changing incrementally and I’ve just noticed.  Maybe it’s the other way around and I’m the one that’s changing?  I don’t think so.  There’s a refreshing spunkiness about her right now.  She has a lot to say about a lot of things.  She’s funny and witty and has a lot of good comebacks.  I have really enjoyed our exchanges.  I enjoy watching her grow up.  I’m lucky to have her.

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A Real Whodunit

We had a scary occurrence in our neighborhood last weekend.  After midnight early Saturday morning, a house less than a block from us burned to the ground.  I knew something was up when red and blue and white lights kept flashing through our bedroom window like disco strobe lights.  Peeking through the window only, I witnessed about five squad cars, two fire trucks and an ambulance, but did not see a single flame.  Odd.  I went back to sleep thinking a party was broken up or maybe someone got into a fight?

I woke up late the next morning and checked my blackberry.  I had a message telling me that a house had burned down in our neighborhood.  Huh?   Walking out of my bedroom, I was greeted by my nine year old daughter Jacqueline.  I told her that I had a job for her to do and her brow furrowed.  I rephrased and told her I wanted her to an investigation.  I explained to her about all the police cars and fire trucks and that a house had burned down.  I told her to go check it out and report back to me.  Her face lit up and she ran down to the garage, got on  her bicycle and headed out.

An hour later, at the breakfast table, I asked Jacqueline what she had found out.  She told us that she was going to conduct an investigation and find out who started the fire.  The house that burned was a foreclosure that had been empty for several months.  The fire dept. had found a gas can in the middle of the living room.  Arson.  I explained to the kids that this was a felony and whoever started the fire would end up going to jail if caught.  My older daughter produced a book of matches she found on the street with a family name monogrammed on the cover.  The girls immediately said this was suspicious and that someone from this family must have started the fire.  Karen and I quickly turned into defense attorney mode and explained that you can’t make accusations like that.  You don’t have any proof.  I suggested that one of the moms in the neighborhood probably started the fire and the girls cried foul.  I explained to them that I was trying to make a point, but I’m not sure they got it.  Two days earlier, in the driveway across the street from us, a handful of middle schoolers started a fire with a bunch of twigs and leaves.  I had to go out and yell at them to put the fire out.  I explained to the girls that this was also suspicious but I don’t think any of them had anything to do with house fire.

We now had quite a large suspect list.  A certain family, all the moms in the neighborhood, a handful of middle shool children that lived in the neighborhood, the bank, the former owner, teenagers(they’re blamed for everything), and suspects to be named later.  Jacqueline was truly determined to get to the bottom of this.  She’s so cute!  Her and her friend explored around the house and had many findings and many suspicious things that they witnessed.  They were even bold enough to go into the backyard and get a real close look at the damage.

Several days have passed and I asked her yesterday about the progress of her investigation.  She said that she had concluded her investigation and knows who started the fire.  However, she said that she was going to keep it to herself.  Good girl.  You don’t have the proof, so keep it to yourself.

It’s a real whodunit!

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Talk To Your Daughters

My sister died when I was a teenager.  She had an inoperable brain tumor.  We watched for two years as the cancer slowly took control of her body, day by day, as her physical and mental capabilities incrementally diminished, until the cancer eventually took her life.  I don’t know what is worse, a slow death when you know its coming or the unexpected sudden heinous death that Chelsea King just suffered thirty minutes from my house at Lake Hodges.  I guess both routes to death’s door are equally perturbing in their own ways.  I can’t get out of my mind the fear the young woman experienced in her last minutes.  I also can’t get out of my mind the tremendous guilt and sadness her parents are going to experience for the rest of their lives.  They are going to go through that afternoon everyday for the rest of their lives.  They are going to question every place they went and why.  We should have done this.  Why didn’t we do that?  I pray for them that they can come through this someday.  Nobody or family deserves an end like this.

I know that my two daughters have been preoccupied with the news of Chelsea King’s death.  It’s time to have that conversation that we’ve had before, but need to reinforce from time to time.  Be Safe.  We have lots of open fields around our house.  It’s a great area to go biking, jogging and letting the dogs run free.  It is also an area my daughters are forbidden to go without me.  I have been out there on my own at times and felt uncomfortable.  I have run into many a jogger or dog walker out in the fields enjoying the fresh air and countryside.  I have also been tracked by coyote.  I have run into illegal aliens.  I have run into strange men.  I have also run into the lone woman jogging from time to time.  You can sense their discomfort when they usually don’t acknowledge you and get by you as fast as they can.  They shouldn’t be out there alone.  You should always be with a buddy.  A buddy can always run for help.  A buddy may notice something you don’t.  The old “two heads are better than one” works.  It will keep you safe and it will be a deterrent.  Just like lions and wolves, human predators go after those who have been separated from the herd.

Have you ever watched Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline?  The scary thing is how many shapes and sizes the predators come in.  Sure some of them are creepy looking and you wouldn’t get within thirty feet of them, but too many of them are normal looking and mild mannered.  They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.  The one noticeable thing with most of these dirtbags is their complete lack of any sense of right or wrong.  They seem to think their evil compulsions are normal.  What’s a young woman to do?  Trust your senses.  Your senses are real and they work.  Be wary of strangers.  Am I telling you ladies anything you didn’t already know?  Women have survived for centuries on their instincts and senses.  Our daughters need to do the same.

Chelsea King has suffered and gone on to the other side.  Pray for her family and friends.  They are the ones that need it now.

 

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