Talk To Your Daughters
March 4, 2010 by Frank Hooks · 4 Comments
My sister died when I was a teenager. She had an inoperable brain tumor. We watched for two years as the cancer slowly took control of her body, day by day, as her physical and mental capabilities incrementally diminished, until the cancer eventually took her life. I don’t know what is worse, a slow death when you know its coming or the unexpected sudden heinous death that Chelsea King just suffered thirty minutes from my house at Lake Hodges. I guess both routes to death’s door are equally perturbing in their own ways. I can’t get out of my mind the fear the young woman experienced in her last minutes. I also can’t get out of my mind the tremendous guilt and sadness her parents are going to experience for the rest of their lives. They are going to go through that afternoon everyday for the rest of their lives. They are going to question every place they went and why. We should have done this. Why didn’t we do that? I pray for them that they can come through this someday. Nobody or family deserves an end like this.
I know that my two daughters have been preoccupied with the news of Chelsea King’s death. It’s time to have that conversation that we’ve had before, but need to reinforce from time to time. Be Safe. We have lots of open fields around our house. It’s a great area to go biking, jogging and letting the dogs run free. It is also an area my daughters are forbidden to go without me. I have been out there on my own at times and felt uncomfortable. I have run into many a jogger or dog walker out in the fields enjoying the fresh air and countryside. I have also been tracked by coyote. I have run into illegal aliens. I have run into strange men. I have also run into the lone woman jogging from time to time. You can sense their discomfort when they usually don’t acknowledge you and get by you as fast as they can. They shouldn’t be out there alone. You should always be with a buddy. A buddy can always run for help. A buddy may notice something you don’t. The old “two heads are better than one” works. It will keep you safe and it will be a deterrent. Just like lions and wolves, human predators go after those who have been separated from the herd.
Have you ever watched Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline? The scary thing is how many shapes and sizes the predators come in. Sure some of them are creepy looking and you wouldn’t get within thirty feet of them, but too many of them are normal looking and mild mannered. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The one noticeable thing with most of these dirtbags is their complete lack of any sense of right or wrong. They seem to think their evil compulsions are normal. What’s a young woman to do? Trust your senses. Your senses are real and they work. Be wary of strangers. Am I telling you ladies anything you didn’t already know? Women have survived for centuries on their instincts and senses. Our daughters need to do the same.
Chelsea King has suffered and gone on to the other side. Pray for her family and friends. They are the ones that need it now.
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I'm a 41 year old happily married father of three great kids. We live and love in Southern California. My blog is an outlet for me to pontificate on all things great about being a dad.
And as a reminder , never run with headphones, earpieces, whatever you want to call them!!!! You can’t hear someone approaching you. I am amazed at how many joggers I see with music on.
Great advice,
I cannot believe there are so many people in our world capable of doing something like this to other innocent people. It is unfortunate that females are primarily the targets of these sex crimes. But, we need to also talk to our sons and teach them how to be safe. They too, are the targets of some of these dirtbags. My son does very well as a Jr. High wrestler, he is building a strong muscle base after three years of wrestling. But, at 57 years old, I can easily overpower him, I’m not sure if that will hold true in a couple more years.
Many kids, teenagers, and adults disappear each year, male and female. There is no sure way to make everyone safe, but there are a plethora of ways to reduce the odds. It starts with what Frank has suggested, talking, but how well each individual applies habitual safety techniques is key. Some of these techniques may need to be practiced until they become routine and an open mind to learn new safety methods. For one glowing example, the girl who was attacked at the same location, by the same person, had taken martial arts. She believes that is what saved her on that December morning.
So, it comes down to awareness and the actions taken to reduce the odds.
Another thing we need to do to help keep our children safe is never stop holding our elected officials accountable. They are the reason scumbags like this are back on the streets in the first place. We need to stand up and scream that they do the right thing and keep these perverts in prison. How many more kids have to die before we wake up and smell the coffee…there is no cure for them…they prove it themselves time and time again. Make phone calls, sign petitions, vote them out if they don’t listen…this has to stop. We all look at other countries that treat children like slaves and we shake our heads in disgust. Are we any better? I think we all failed Chelsea King.
Thank you for writing this Frank. Like you, I will have this conversation again with my seventeen year old daughter who at times thinks she knows it all. I believe she has developed a false sense of security living in our relatively small town here in Oregon. Because she was born in San Diego and lived in Los Angeles for five years she thinks she is more street wise than her peers here. I am sure we have our fair share of predators here! I hope she really hears me this time and takes the tragic death of Chelsea King to heart.